"Choices"

"A man either lives life as it happens to him, meets it head on and licks it, or
he turns his back on it and starts to wither away."
~ Gene Rodenberry~

I am still in a deeply reflective mood. There is so much that I want to share. Yesterday, I took a break between classes to write in my paper journal. There are several things that have been weighing heavily on my mind.

Writing has always been a catharsis for me. It is a way for me to get feedback and to take a second look at my thoughts.

One thought I have been tooling around with is the difference betwen people actually "living" their dreams and those that only "talk" about it. What was it that put them on the road to their desires and kept them there? There are some people that don't have a lot of money, yet, they are living what I like to think of as a "defined" life. They knew what they wanted and were not willing to to let anything stop them from achieving it. I wonder if it all boils down to "choices?" Are some willing to give up things that will propel them to their life goals while other are not? Does it have to do with what one deems as important?

If we are truly honest, how many of us "say" that we want to live a certain way yet our actions prove otherwise? How many of us just don't want to do the work or make the sacrifices, yet convince ourselves that we are actually doing the best that we can ? How many are willing to admit that they are really, only doing the best that they are "willing" to do? There is a big difference between the two. And usually this keeps us right where we are; stuck in the lane of "Dreams Deferred".

So I suppose we have to REALLY seek what it is that brings us the most pleasure. Would we rather have "things" or would we rather own our homes outright? Do we really deserve that vacation after a stressful year or would an emergency fund be more prudent? Choices.

When I look back over my own life, I realize that some events took place which contributed to making my goals more "difficult" to reach, But, I made the "choice" to give up on a lot of the things that I wanted to accomplish, or filed them under "impossible". I still have to sometimes drag myself kicking and screaming past this mindset. But now, I am willing to acknowledge that my "choices" will still serve to make the difference between my success and my failure. Now, I want to know what I was not willing to do before, that I need to do now to make things happen.

After careful meditation, I realize that I need to get to really know "me". I no longer need to know the person that was manufactured based on what other people thought or think I should be. From early childhood, I was never allowed to be an "individual". I grew up in a home where a "Cookie Cutter" persona was expected. I was told what I should do, how I should do it, who I should become, and how I should go about it. Any sign of individuality was stifled and labeled rebellion. So I "built" the person that I was told I should be from the blueprint given me. I have allowed "that" person to usurp my existence for far too long. I feel it is time for that person to hand back over control, and that I become the rightful ruler of my life.

I always thought that "simplicity" was the secret elixir that I needed in order to be happy. But I was wrong. While simplicity is one of the strongest elements, alone it is powerless. I first have to build a strong internal foundation. I have to work from the inside out. It will mean taking chances, and making mistakes. Maybe a LOT of mistakes. It will mean facing my fears. It might mean risking being thought of as foolhardy, or unreasonable. But if what I want is worth it to me, then I will have to accept these possibilities without contest. I realize now that I can be frugal, aspire to homestead, live off the land, whatever, but if if don't have that internal peace first, none of those things will make the least bit of difference.

For 47 years, I have made the "choice" to do it everyone's way except my own. I think some adjustments are in order. I have made the choice. I think I am long overdue. Till next time...

"Brainstorming A Bit of This and That"

I've been in quite the reflective mood lately. Lots of things that I want to work on, incorporate, and pick up my step in. Tomorrow is the last day of actual classes, and I have two finals back to back next week. The weekend and the beginning of next week will be spent with my head in the books. I am looking forward to the Winter break.

I love not having homework for it affords me the opportunity to cook more in the evenings. When I have homework, I usually cook on the weekends and provide more "Fix it yourself" things doing the weekdays. It has worked very well for us so it is probably something that I will continue to use as I continue my education.

There is something about the fast approaching winter months that changes something in me. It brings out in me a sense of pulling in and cocooning. Actually, if I had my way, I'd probably cocoon most of the time. But since I am not rich and most likely never will be, I try to make a very concious effort now to use my time wisely if possible.

Between classes, I have been reading different material on budgeting, stocking-up, natural living, etc. One of my favorite reads is "Mother Earth" which was sent to me by a very dear friend. I can't get enough of that magazine. There are other magazines dealing with Homesteading that I get a glimpse of online, but there is nothing like holding the magazine in your hand and marking things and going over and over it. Until I was gifted with the magazine I would read it in the school library. It would always sooth my nerves after a hectic day of classes.

Some of the things that I have been reflecting on heavily is getting my stock-up back in order, savings, teaching my children financial accountability, being more financially conscious myself, and coming up with ways to build an emergency account. Although the dynamics of my household have changed, I am still the household manager and am therefore responsible for the financial goings on in my home. At the end of each year, I like to reflect over things and challenge myself to do better or at least work smarter.

One of the books that I am reading on "Simplicity" by Janet Luhrs, makes some very profound statements regarding financial independence. It is nothing that the average person isn't already aware of, but sometimes we all need a nudge to remind us of what we perhaps already know, but fail to do. Some of the points that I wrote down for myself are:

* If you don't want to work too much don't accumulate a lot of debt, don't spend the money.* While those words seem very simplistic, most of us "tell" ourselves that we are thrifty but allow the little things to keep us tethered to debt.

* When you have money saved, you have "Options". Without money saved you have "No" choices.* To that, most of us would say that with today's economy "who has money to save?" But if we are honest again about the little things and some of the not so little things that we feel are "needs" when they are really "wants", we would be surprised.

* You have to be willing to make certain choices and sacrifices that will lead to your larger life goals.* Usually when someone sees the word "sacrifice" they are immediately turned off. But unless you have a large income, sadly something will have to be sacrificed. You just have to ask yourself what is the priority.

* You have to create a financial plan to lead you to your life goals.*

I took a lot of time to meditate on this point. To REALLY ask myself what is my "life" goal. Many people feel that they know the answer to that question but really are basically just very vague.

* Financial success is not about being rich but about being smart with your money.*

I think this is an especially crucial thought as we ride the tide of our present economy. So many people are losing jobs and homes and have no emergency funds to at least tide them over until they can figure things out. Sadly, as Americans, savings is just not that big on our list of priorities. This is going to lead to lots of heartache many.

There were plenty of other points that I have been meditating on for my own circumstances, because I feel that the better equipped I am, less bumpy the ride.

Once school is out, I plan to do a deep pantry inventory to re-stock what I have used over the past six months, and it is time to take some time to put together my winter menus. I set a certain budget for Holiday shopping and so far am sticking to it, and I am planning on giving my children savings accounts instead of stocking stuffers this year. I have also set up 5 small goals to try and reach by next year's end. One will be a larger sustainable garden. I am looking forward to that one. I drive by the AG center here every day and see the sign for the program to become a Master Gardener. If I knew that I could work it around school I would have signed up yesterday. But, who knows.

I have just had a feeling of a pressing need to up my game as regards taking our economy seriously. I am not saying that we should panic or anything, but just daily make decisions that would serve to bring us closer to our life goal whatever that might be. That is my hope and my plan. Wish me luck. Till next time...

"Reflection"

It has been raining here since around 3:00 p.m. yesterday. I love it. There is a possibility for thunderstorms throughout the day. I hope so. Something about rain and storms just relaxes and calms me. Rain unleashes in me a contemplative spirit. That is exactly how I am feeling today.

I usually do not like to watch or listen to the news. There is always more heartache than good usually. Yesterday's news was no exception. My heart goes out to all the families who lost loved ones in Mumbai. My thoughts and prayers also go out to those who lost loved ones in what I feel was a most senseless way; by Black Friday shoppers. Have we become so ingrained with the desire to have and to possess that we could trample a fellow human in the pursuit of a purchase? Obviously the answer to that is yes. It simply boggles my mind.

When contemplating these tragedies especially the Black Friday deaths, it just gives me all the more impetus to build upon my desire for a frugal, simple life. I want to get back to natural living as much as humanly possible. Restarting my garden this past summer let me know that this sort of life is where my heart truly resides. I have to admit that I have let other things over the years sidetrack me and keep me from my goals, but I am determined to turn that around in any way that I can. I will start again with baby steps, but I "will" reach my goals.

I have always been more of an unconventional person. I don't like to follow the crowd, and I don't like to do things simply because others are doing it, or somebody else feels that I should. I have nothing against suggestions, or advice, but I want my own voice to be the one that I hear the loudest. Over the years, I have relegated my own voice to the background and have been very unhappy in doing so. That needs to change.

The upcoming year is fast approaching. It is usually the time that we make resolutions, that are usually broken before the ink dries. I won't wait until then. I am going to use each and every day that I am blessed with "now", to continue to make the changes that I need to live my life in the passionate way that I crave. Each and every day I plan to incorporate more of the things that I love. As the tragedies that are reported on in the news shows, "Tomorrow is promised to no one". We have to do all that we can each and every day that we are granted a chance to do so.

So maybe that will mean that instead of rushing around trying to keep things in order all the time, I will grab a book, a cup of coffee and some time to just relax. It doesn't mean that I will let things go to pot, but it does mean that I will realize that it is alright to just "breathe" sometimes instead of trying to always accomplish something. Yet, there are certain things that I would like to do.

I look forward to planning for my spring garden. The thought of that really excites me! I want to learn to can, and to improve upon my storage techniques. I'd like to have a better savings plan in order. I want to teach myself to play my guitar. There are some home improvements that I want to try my hand at instead of letting them intimidate me. I'd like to continue working to make my home one of those comfortable places that the kids can bring their friends to for fun. Most importantly, I want to continue to strive for that feeling of family and belonging with my loved ones and friends.

I don't want to be one of those people chasing "The American Dream". What does that really mean anyway? No, I want to just live my life as close to my own "personal"dream as I can. For me that means learning to be as self-sufficient as I can. It won't be easy, it will mean lots of hard work, and it will perhaps mean bucking what most people consider "the norm". But you know what, when I look at all the other alternatives out there, I know that it is more than worth it.

Till next time...

"A Warm Welcome"

Just wanted to send warm welcome to the new followers of the blog. Welcome Guyz and Earth Heart!!! So nice of you to stop by. A continued thanks to my other "faithful" friends who have been with me since the beginning. A VERY Happy and Safe Thanksgiving to one all. Till next time.....

"One Year Ago Today"

Today marks the first anniversary of my mother's death. It does not seem like that much time has passed, but it has. Thanksgiving will always be tied in with her passing.

I have found that regardless of the dynamics of your relationship with your parents, their passing will always leave an indelible mark.

I came on here with the intention of writing something thoughtful, something heartfelt. I even contemplated using the letter that I wrote on her birthday this year.

But instead I will mark this day with simply saying that we remembered, and we will never forget.

"Long Time No Blog, Again"

As usual,

it has been forever since I have taken the time to sit down and write something. I don't know what it is, but I have been so tired lately that even thinking about writing has been almost painful.

Just feeling rushed, and tired and pushed to get through each and every day. Updating my blog feels like a luxury.

So on yesterday, I decided that I would work most of the day to make sure that I had today off for the most part. I didn't want to have anything that was pressing or trying or "needed" tending. And since I stuck to the grindstone and got everything done, here I am.

I did take a bit of time this morning to go out into what is left of the garden.

I think that I have been neglecting doing so because as childish as it sounds, working in the garden makes it TERRIBLY difficult for me to want to get back to my routine.

It is like when I work outside, I am transported to a place that I don't want to leave. I don't feel the time constraints, there are no other people and their attitudes to deal with, little noise. I just get so wrapped up into it that I don't want to get back to the norm.

So I did a little raking and watering, and sweeping off the porch. I took in the laundry that I had hung out yesterday, and cleaned some things from the yard. I had the boys out to help with a thing or two before setting them free and we got the garbage ready for pick up tomorrow. I filled my watering bin back up, tidied up the hose, and then headed back inside. I have the basil that I planted sitting on a shelf next to the back door. The scent from it a constant reminder of some of the things that truly make me happy.

Tomorrow it is back to the routine and the rush, and the "must do's. I am looking forward to the end of this semester even though the Holidays are fast approaching. I got half of my shopping done already and will concentrate on the other half this month. I wanted it do it thoughtfully, but as quickly as possibly.

Yet, no matter how rushed, or pushed, or overwhelmed I have been feeling lately, I am still grateful that I have something to be rushed, pushed, or overwhelmed about. Got to find the positives.

Hope that all are well and that life is treating you kindly. Till next time....

"Long Time No Blog"

I haven't blogged in it seems like forever. I guess I have just been either too busy or too tired, or too distracted to do so.

So much is going on as usual. I still haven't been able to pry myself from my constant desire to cocoon. If anything, I seem to want to do so even more lately.

I am once again having trouble in math and I am beyond frustrated. Things are going "Lightning" fast in this class. Before I can grasp one subject we learn two to three more. I am falling behind. I am still trying to stay positive, but some days are harder than others.

To top that off, so many people seem to be getting ever more rude and the world that we live in today just lacks care. It is as if every man/woman is for him or her self and more and more tension is mounting out there the closer we get to the election.

I am not one to talk politics or religion and prefer to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself and am most adamant about that. But the rumblings out there are most disheartening to me.

I still feel that if my foot were only long enough I would still be kicking myself in the ass for not making the proper preparations in my life so that I wouldn't be 47 and starting all over again. Life is not like it was ten years ago. Hell, it is not what it was 5 years ago. It's hard out here.

I think that we all need to take heed, and keep our eyes open in the months ahead. Maybe I am getting more and more cynical as I get older, maybe I am just a realist. But for whatever it is worth, I think that if it is a helping hand that you are looking for, it is a surer bet to realize that it is more likely to be at the end of your forearm.

Oh, what a cheery, welcome post to christen my new blog. Peace all,
Till next time.....